By all rights I should not have turned out the way that I have. On this Mother's Day, while I maintained my social distancing from my family and daughter Sarah went on a walk with my wife, I went on an adventure with Pearl and mused on the meaning of the day. I mused on the two women who raised me - Brought into this world by one mother and raised by another - both gave me all the love they could. But it was the third woman who made the biggest difference in my life and today as I rode I thought of how Amy Connor essentially saved me from what I could have been and how her love has given me the family I once only dreamed of.
When Amy and I first met I was adrift in a sea of indecision, allowing myself to be buffeted to and fro by wherever the winds blew me. However, after I met Amy I knew this was the person I wanted to spend my life with, grow old with, and raise a family with. From the moment she walked in the room during our cast meeting for Joey Patton's production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at the Carousel Dinner Theater in Akron, OH, I knew she was the one for me. I somehow knew that she was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. I know, it sounds like a scene from a movie and in this case it was truly a moment of life mimicking art (or perhaps it was the other way around?). It was because we wanted to have a family together that I made the decision to leave the business of performing. When, three weeks before we were married, we found ourselves separated by an entire ocean (she was performing Nunsense in Akron, OH and I was performing West Side Story in Berlin, Germany) we realized that perhaps the life of constantly being on the road was not the most conducive to raising a family. We sort of had to be in the same place at the same time to even have a family. More prophetic words were never spoken.
As it turns out, it took us quite a while to actually have our little family. I "retired" from performing first, electing to take a job at Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. to make enough money to support us and to pay my way through graduate school so I could teach. Amy kept performing for a while until she too "retired" and also took a job at Goldman. Meanwhile, we began our quest to try and create the family we both so much wanted to bring into the world. And we tried. And we tried. And we tried. It wasn't until I began teaching at Syosset High School (and therefore gained better health care than what we both enjoyed with Actors Equity Association) that we found out we had "infertility of an unknown origin". To say we were devastated was an understatement. Here we were, two (relatively) young dancers with extremely healthy bodies and yet we couldn't do the one thing that was of such importance to us - begin a family. What was so easy for so many around us became a wound to our hearts. Everywhere we looked it seemed people were easily getting pregnant. But not us. Amy and I even went to the priest of the church I was attending at the time (St. Malachy's - The Actor's Chapel, where I was also a member of the choir), and we asked Father Kelly if the reason we couldn't have children was the fact that Amy was married at the time we became involved and God was punishing us for our hubris. To this day I'll never, forget the words he said, "Well," he said in his thick Irish accent, "that would make God a real shit, wouldn't it!" Father Kelly went on to explain to us that God simply didn't work that way, he wouldn't punish us for something we were trying to create out of love. And he was right. God didn't work that way and although to this day we'll never know why we couldn't have a family without the miracle of modern science, we were finally able to have our children and create the family we always wanted.
And what children they are. People often tell me what wonderful, amazing, caring, and empathetic children I have. And while I know that to be undeniably true I have to say that none of it would be possible without my incredible wife Amy Fortgang Connor. Mainly because she has imbued them with all those qualities and more that she herself possesses. I know that to her it sometimes feels as if she's raising four children instead of three, but as a family we have been able to do some amazing good for the world only because of her. Anything that our children have been able to do is because she has encouraged them, supported them, and created a home where we all feel safe to be the people we are. And she does it without losing her sense of fun, whimsy and childlike wonder that shows our children it's still okay to have fun as you grow up!
So yes, today is Mother's Day and we're all, in our own way with social distancing, celebrating the Mothers Who Bore Us, The Mothers Who Raised Us, and the Mothers Who Took Us As Their Own. Today we give them praise and thanks for making us what and who we are. Of course, few of us are able to give them the same kind of tribute as James McNeill Whistler;
This iconic painting has long been held to be a tribute to the artist's mother, has been spoken of in song, has been the subject of a U.S. Postage stamp and even featured in a Mr. Bean skit. Ironic then to learn that she wasn't even supposed to be the subject of that particular session but was instead a stand-in for someone who didn't show up. As a matter of fact "Whistler's Mother" isn't even the real title of the painting. But it doesn't matter, history has made Anna Whistler one of the most famous mothers of all time.
And yes, all of these were thoughts I had as I bombed through the trails of Makamah Nature Preserve. Okay, maybe I didn't exactly know that "Whistler's Mother" wasn't the real name of the painting but I thought about the painting when I was riding. You see, the association went sort of like this. I was riding, I stopped to take a picture of The Black Pearl in her new iteration as an Adventure Bike, and I thought, "wow, that's really artistic, who would've thought on Mother's Day I'd be so artistic. Wow, Mother's Day. Art. "Whistler's Mother", that's a pretty funny painting. Mother's Day." Okay, so that's a little insight into how my brain works.
So yeah. I went to ride the trails of Makamah Nature Preserve but they were a bit more crowded than I expected. Lots of people walking because the weather was warm and the sun was out and what better way to show your mother you love her than taking her on a forced march. Which, incidentally is what my daughter Sarah did with Amy to get her out of the house. It was all part of an elaborate plot to distract her while William and James baked her a cake. So, since it was a beautiful day and I didn't feel like being cooped up in my 8x10 room (and I couldn't help with the cake), I decided to take my newly reconfigured Adventure Bike (The Black Pearl in yet another iteration) and explore the Makamah Nature Preserve.
Now my Adventure Bike (Pearl) is the steel framed steed I pulled out of the garbage 12 years ago and built up to be my Cross Country Touring bike. She is a Frankenbike of sorts and has been through many different permutations - tires, wheels, racks, bags, fenders, lights - all have been switched out and flipped around as she's served as a commuter, group ride winter bike, EMS bike, long distance Trekker, grocery-getter, and everything in-between (okay, except for a racer). Today, this is how she was outfitted. Stripped down (except for the pump) and lean. Same wheels, crank and saddle that carried me from San Diego to Wheatley Heights. However she's now sporting 700x38 tires and a different shifting system than the one that carried me 3,700+ miles. And riding her through the trails today was so much fun but also a near death experience!
Now while I wish I were independently solvent enough to be able to afford a "REAL" Adventure Bike with disc brakes and all, Pearl and I get along quite well. Of course when I started out on the course I intended to only do the Doug Wood 5K Cross-Country route. That part started out all right but I forgot about some of the crazy downhill trail drops. Not too bad when running but a challenge on a bike, especially one without suspension. So hitting the first drop and trying to thread myself among the roots and ruts I look up and see a tree hurtling at me VERY fast! Thank God I still have fast reflexes! I was able to save it with only putting down a foot and continuing on my way. Ran up the next hill with Pearl over my shoulder (Cyclocross anyone?) and bombed down the next slope only to almost bite it when my front wheel hit a huge rut. Did I mention I was trying to see how fast I could do the course at a moderate tempo? And then I hit the flat section (which is where the above picture was taken) before heading out for the end. I deliberately took the outside loop to see what it was like (and got a little lost) before finally ending back on the service track. A little winded, a little scratched but no crashes and no broken bones!
The rest of the ride was just having fun and enjoying being on two wheels not shooting for fitness levels or speed, just riding. I hit the beach, went on a climb, rode to an outlook that looked out over the harbor and headed home to help finish celebrating the woman who has made all of this possible - my amazing wife Amy. Poke bowls and home made cake for dinner while watching Atlantis. All in all, a great day. We're healthy, we're happy, and we're blessed!
That's all for now - I'll see you on the road (or maybe on an adventure trail) near you!!!!
RRL - Nothing - it was the woods!
FFR - None - it was the woods!!!
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